Amateur Home Fixers Gifts

"I suppose I'd better get that damp sorted out. . ."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

Fixing the TV.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

"The blow drier is broken."

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

"Was it a fuse?"

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Bathing and Showering.

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

'As I said to Phil, 'Call a plumber!''

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"No, it's not a Rorscach test, it's a really nasty damp patch."

As icebergs form in the river, a man's house breaks up similarly

'This time you hold the nail!'