Home Repair Enthusiasts Gifts

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

'When he finally exhausts his vocabularly that's when I call the plumber.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"Was it a fuse?"

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

Home maintenance

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

Broken since March

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'