Home Repair Buff Gifts

Expensive plumber

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"Was it a fuse?"

'No it's still not fixed'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"The blow drier is broken."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."