Home Repair Guru Gifts

'I guess I should have paid the foundation bill.'

"No, it's not a Rorscach test, it's a really nasty damp patch."

'You won't get ME under a car!'

'This time you hold the nail!'

"If I'd known you were going to be this handy, I'd never have given you the job!"

"Phone my wife and tell her she can buy that new car!"

"Maybe now's not the time to tell him his data has also been leaked."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

House for sale - some assembly required.

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'