Home Fix-it Guru Gifts

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

Man buying crack filler.

F**k This Old House

Ceiling Soup

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Fixing the TV.

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

"The blow drier is broken."

"Was it a fuse?"

"Never marry an engineer."

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

Spring Cleaning

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Everything you need for self-assembly."

Castle Realty. Of course, for resale value, I'd suggest converting the dungeon into a rec room.

Planning permission REFUSED...

"You see? You gotta turn it counter-clockwise."

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'

'Hmmmm...lower.'

Problem Solver Wanted

Umbrella Roof