Home Fix-it Guru Pillows

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

F**k This Old House

Ceiling Soup

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Fixing the TV.

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

House for sale - some assembly required.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

"Never marry an engineer."

"The blow drier is broken."

"Was it a fuse?"

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

Spring Cleaning

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'

Man buys 'Do It Yourself' helper.

Planning permission REFUSED...

Umbrella Roof

'I seem to have a spare tap son.'

Problem Solver Wanted

'Hmmmm...lower.'

"Everything you need for self-assembly."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

Bathing and Showering.