Home Improvement Gurus Pillows

'Dad, you definitely asked for a drill-less cord, not a cordless drill.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Mulch madness"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'Ever thought of having the place re-carpeted?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

Spring Cleaning

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

"It says it can be assembled by a 5 year old child - pop out and find me one..."