Home Improvement Buffs Pillows

'...and you can wash that pea-green crap off - I want Magnolia.'

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

Ironing contraption.

Nature also abhors a vacuum salesman.

"Here you can see the luxurious master bathroom."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Mulch madness"

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

House for sale - some assembly required.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Wallpapering with Nails

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'