Home Improvement Buff Pillows

It was at times like this he realised the value of a more personal insurance service.

'Today's not a real good day to move in.'

'Fine, we'll get an air conditioner.'

Smoke Detector Support Group

'Just so you know, you're doin' it wrong.'

'Job done son, a few corners slightly out of true but the customer will never notice.'

'Oh great. The McWit's put up a satellite dish the same week they pave over our entrance.'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

"Central air? I am so jealous!"

'We're renovating.'

'And you will stay here until the Andersons' bathroom renovation is finished entirely. You will not leave, not even for a moment...'

'...how much is this brick?'

Painting the ceiling with a paint roller attached to an umbrella.

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

High water pressure

"I'm looking for a new dishwasher. I divorced the old one."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"I've seen iceberg proposals for garages, swimming pools and cinemas...but a nine hole golf course?"

Decluttering. . .

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

"Where did you say you got that number for the removal chappie?"

"The chain saw? It should be good - it cost me an arm and a leg!"

"Thanks for helping us put up the shelf, 'Utility Belt Man'."

"Thanks again for putting in the doggie door, honey. It sure makes life easier."

'I didn't know a nail had so many names.'

'Okay!...I'll put the lid down from now on!'

'Industrial toilet accessories: Steel wool toilet paper.'

Wayne had had to choose - holiday, or a new tumble dryer.

'It's for my husband.'

Fierce neighbourhood competition

'It's the new man flap!'

"Stop screwing around!"

"I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down!..."

'I'm counter - intelligence'