House Renovation Buff Pillows

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'I found the termites!'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

"Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one."

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

Spring Cleaning

'It's a self-build.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

Planning permission REFUSED...