Home Renovation Guru Pillows

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Man buys 'Do It Yourself' helper.

'I guess I should have taken your advice and used a building contractor.'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Painting the Ceiling

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Quick, press control Z!'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

Spring Cleaning

'How are you doing on your side?'

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"