Home Renovation Guru Gifts

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Castle Realty. Of course, for resale value, I'd suggest converting the dungeon into a rec room.

Man buys 'Do It Yourself' helper.

'I guess I should have taken your advice and used a building contractor.'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Painting the Ceiling

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Quick, press control Z!'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Over 50 shades of grey available.

House for sale - some assembly required.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Spring Cleaning

'How are you doing on your side?'