Renovation Guru Gifts

'CLEAR!' ''Please Pardon the Inconvenience as we Remodel the Dental Office.'

Painting and decorating

The Environmentalist

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'I found the termites!'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Food waste with recycling symbol

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

Cat Panels. Cats soak up sun on rooftop like solar panels.

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

"Of course you're feeling tired - you're in your sub-prime."

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."