Renovation Guru Gifts

'CLEAR!' ''Please Pardon the Inconvenience as we Remodel the Dental Office.'

Painting and decorating

The Environmentalist

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'I found the termites!'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

Food waste with recycling symbol

Cat Panels. Cats soak up sun on rooftop like solar panels.

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Of course you're feeling tired - you're in your sub-prime."

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Reverse Mortgage.

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

Over 50 shades of grey available.

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

House for sale - some assembly required.