Realty Guru Gifts

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'Yes, I can show you properties in your price range, but they're not in mine.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Business is off the chart.

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

"Of course you're feeling tired - you're in your sub-prime."

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"Sold his air rights."

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

'This is close enough.'

Actually, I slayed it for the castle's resale value, but don't tell her that.

Repossessions

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"Central heat. Pretty posh."

Don't worry dear, he only bites untrustworthy morgage brokers!

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

'Here's a house that needs fixing up. Are you handy with money?'

'If you don't want a lot of column upkeep, this probably isn't a good real estate market for you.'

Painting and decorating

"Sorry son, I rented out your room to backpackers on Airbnb."

Home 'Submerged' Home! (Home value less than mortgage).

Little Investment on the Praire

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'