Property Guru Gifts

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'Good point. It's been on the market far too long. I'll change the picture. I shouldn't be smiling.'

'Good news! We've got a buyer.'

Little Investment on the Praire

I hear the present owners are splitting up. Four fireplaces and a wine cellar. Better act quick, before they make up.

"Come on, show Grandma how smart you are—tell her the difference between a condo and a co-op."

"They say underwater is the next Brooklyn."

'Next, lot 234; an extremely rare estate agents

Estate Agents Date

Tiny house. 'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'Take us to your real estate agent - We hear it's a great time to buy!'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

Location Location Location

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

A sign outside a house reads "For sale"; the house next door also has a sign that reads "Me too".

"That's the worst case of rising damp I've ever seen!"

"If you're serious about selling it, the first thing you need to do is change its name from 'Riverside Cottage'."

"As much as I hate to admit it, a bigger sign isn't going to help it sell any quicker."

'Does my boom look big in this?...'

"People who live in glass houses are rare."

"As you can see, prime location! Just under the hot water tank: warm all year round..."

'Oh no! We've moved to a catchment area...'

'The two-property lifestyle just isn't as glamorous as I thought'

"So that's 'niche' marketing?"

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"Does it have to be where the buffalo roam?"

"I'm afraid your budget won't stretch to four bedrooms and a garden, would you consider one bedroom with a shared bathroom and access to a communal alley?"

'The good news is you made it... the bad news, up here, everything is 'for sale by owner'.'

Repossessions

'I thought you'd be calling me sooner or later.'

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'It looks exactly like the photo.'

'Let's not get too carried away.'

I sold my house and my landlord's furious!