Housing Guru Gifts

'Well that's buggered up the village green application'

"You know what they say - It's location, location, LOCATION!"

Location location location - Next 3 Exits

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"Of course you're feeling tired - you're in your sub-prime."

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

House for sale - some assembly required.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"Sold his air rights."

Real Estate Personals

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Spring Cleaning

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

'Do you think we can blame it on El Nino?'

Umbrella Roof

"Everything you need for self-assembly."

'Hmmmm...lower.'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'