Renovation Expert Gifts

Painting by the numbers for adults

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Painting the Ceiling

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'I found the termites!'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

'How are you doing on your side?'

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."

"It says it can be assembled by a 5 year old child - pop out and find me one..."

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"Here's another can. Try not to step in this one."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"