Renovation Specialist Gifts

'Do you suppose we'll ever qualify for 'Total Island Makeover'?'

"I never heard of a kitchen renovation, either, that was not followed by a divorce."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Painting the Ceiling

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'I found the termites!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

We're putting on a subtraction.

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

A cock up of builders