Resume Renovation Expert Gifts

Help. After Amassing Huge College Debt, I had To Dumb Down My Resume To Get A Job.

Painting by the numbers for adults

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Painting the Ceiling

'I found the termites!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'How are you doing on your side?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

"When does the improvement part of this improvement project kick in?"

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'