Resume Remodeler Gifts

Employment Dept. Fill Out Job Applications Here. This application form has too much space for "work experience" and not enough for "leisure activities."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

"We've gleaned all we need to know about you from the internet, but we'll keep your resume as a great example of creative writing."

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

'I'll stop saying you've changed jobs too many times if you'll stop giving me notice.'