Renovation Whiz Gifts

Taxman takes money from Man doing up a house

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

Non-Drip ?

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

"Mulch madness"

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

"When does the improvement part of this improvement project kick in?"

'I want you to sit up front right by my desk. It's not because I want to keep an eye on you. It's a feng shui thing.'

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'

Painting and decorating

"Richard P. Ruggles—a man and his mantelpiece."

'To explain this extremely complex new imaging system, we've brought in Chuckles.'

'We need to learn this just incase our calculators or computers are down, right?'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'We wanted to maintain the integrity of the original house.'

Internet Possessed Mind

Sistine Chapel - Extreme Makeover: 'Blue's good but lets loss all the clouds and the drama.'

'Still duckin' an' divin'?'

Plasterer skimming a wall

"When I bought, they called it a fixer-upper. After ten years and $175,000 worth of renovations, it's now called a tear-down."

'CLEAR!' ''Please Pardon the Inconvenience as we Remodel the Dental Office.'

"Do me a favor. . . stick to changing the wallpaper that's on your computer."

"Worst-case scenario? The renovation goes three years and two million dollars over budget, one of you bludgeons me to death with my own hammer, and you both get the electric chair."

"Thanks for washing the duvet cover. Have you seen the cat?"

"No, you still look fat."

'You fellows coming to lunch?'

"I never heard of a kitchen renovation, either, that was not followed by a divorce."

"I know you're new and all, but this is not what we mean by flipping a house."