Home Design Guru Gifts

"Can you stop bouncing your home improvement ideas off me!"

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

"No, no ladders in the house! Why do people associate snakes and ladders?!"

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

The Venus Flytrap Leather Sectional

Problem Solving

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Over 50 shades of grey available.

House for sale - some assembly required.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

Enlightened Cursing

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

"Was it a fuse?"

Spring Cleaning

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'