Home Decor Guru Gifts

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

"They're not even from India."

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"You're welcome."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

The Venus Flytrap Leather Sectional

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

Pea green

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."