Home Renovation Enthusiast Gifts

'Before we bought this house and remodeled, this pool was septic tank.'

"I'm not a guru. I'm just hanging out here till my renovation is done."

'No big thing, the builder said the house would do a little settling.'

'I thought I'd have one more look at the old room before I leave for college.'

Man is literary plastered.

"With aluminum siding, you wouldn't have to worry about polishing it every week or so."

'I thought your quote for 'putting windows in' was cheap.'

'Here's a house that needs fixing up. Are you handy with money?'

'That house is a fixer upper. Are you handy with a checkbook?'

"How many times do we have to tell you: first allow the wallpaper to settle, then remove the scaffolding!"

'If this is going to continue - le's knock out that wall and add another room.'

"I know they say a bad workman always blames his tools but - a faulty plumbline!!"

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"That? Oh, that's the contractor insult tax. We add that to the invoice when a customer treats us as if we're somehow constantly contriving to rip them off."

"Think of it as a doer-upper."

Another over-do-it-yourself project.

Carpet fitter

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

'Changing Rooms' meets 'Neighbours from Hell'

'Don't panic,I'm just waiting for the wood.'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'Architectural Digest rejected my subscription again.'

'It's okay, there's a six-figure carpeting allowance.'

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'Ladder and Literary Mishaps on the Rise.'

'Vinyl siding was cheaper than cosmetic surgery.'

Gorbachev remodels his home.

"Loaning me your tool box was not exactly what I had in mind."

'What do you say, Hubie? You've always liked a challenge.'

'Know what this place needs? - a telly makeover!'

"Well, you said you wanted an island."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."