Home Renovation Lover Gifts

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 6

Castle Cellars: Bob's Basement Waterproofing

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Quick, press control Z!'

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

'For heaven's sake Janet - where have you disappeared to now?'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'Letting him buy the stupid guns was the only way I'd ever get him to paint the house.'

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

"Would you go nuts if I paint EVERYTHING pink!?"

"Shall I kiss it better?"