Home Enhancement Guru Pillows

"Oh crimminy. Now we have to make an effort."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"We're looking for something more over-the-couch-ish."

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

Spring Cleaning

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

"Hang on- I'm receiving a textured message."