Home Maintenance Guru Gifts

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."

"I wish you would clear the hair out of the plughole..."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Yardless: Please help

Man using to much bug spray

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"The trees are laughing at us."

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House for sale - some assembly required.

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."