Home Maintenance Expert Gifts

"I think the plumber wants his bill paid!"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"The trees are laughing at us."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

The household cavalry

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Timber preservation

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."