Home Maintenance Specialist Gifts

The folly of calling in a theoretical plumber. . .

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man using to much bug spray

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Moses unblocking the toilet.

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"