Home Maintainer Gifts

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

The household cavalry

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."