Home Maintenance Worker Gifts

"No thanks. Our ducks have already been cleaned."

'You have an annoying drip in the bathroom. Please get him out of there.'

Leaf blowers at dawn.

"Well, we've done it, Sandy . . . we hit the 'cold snap tri-fecta:'. . ."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

"He loves his leaf blower."

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

Gondolier skimming up leaves in pool.

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"The trees are laughing at us."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

Not much money, glory, or praise

'Well, that's fixed that.'

The household cavalry

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

Clearing the castle's moat.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."