House Maintenance Gifts

'Well... at least we know the basement doesn't leak.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man using to much bug spray

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

Moses unblocking the toilet.

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Timber preservation

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'