Home Maintainers Gifts

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man using to much bug spray

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

Moses unblocking the toilet.

The household cavalry

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Timber preservation

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."

"Someone posted a picture of you working in the yard, so I knew right away it had to be a deepfake."