Home Maintainers T-Shirts

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Man using to much bug spray

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"The trees are laughing at us."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

The household cavalry

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

Timber preservation

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Did you remember to do everything I asked, even the small things I said in passing that didn't sound like real requests?"

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."