Home Maintenance Expert T-Shirts

"I think the plumber wants his bill paid!"

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man using to much bug spray

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

"The trees are laughing at us."

Moses unblocking the toilet.

The household cavalry

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Timber preservation

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

Product Testing Department