House Maintenance T-Shirts

'Well... at least we know the basement doesn't leak.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Man using to much bug spray

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

The household cavalry

Timber preservation

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Product Testing Department

"The mold cleaners are here! I gotta scram."

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."