Amateur Handyman Gifts

"My husband said he could fix anything so if you find him, tell him he was wrong!"

'Now that we've adjusted to the dampness, we just love this house.'

'This is my husband,I want you to stop selling him stuff....'

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

"Mr. Do-It-Yourself was trying to build a better mouse trap."

'On the other hand, he's very good at Chinese Checkers.'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Couldn't you just sew the button back on?"

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

Fixing the TV.

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

Bob’s Museum

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'My dog is terrified of strangers. would you be a dear and wear this outfit while you're working here?'

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"Stop being stubborn and call the plumber!"

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

'He kept his enthusiasm for DIY right up to the end.'

'This is your idea of converting your boat to a sailboat, a sheet? And while we're on the topic, is that one of my good sheets?'

"... 'Do it yourself enthusiast'?... No, George is more of a, 'cock it up yourself enthusiast'!"

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

"Darling! - did you know your books are crooked...?"