Amateur Fixer-upper Gifts

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

'Now what?'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

Fixing the TV.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

The Upholstery Consultant

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

Well paid job

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"