Fixer-upper Fanatic Gifts

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

'If it were my house I'd put it on life support.'

"You can replace the tank, switch to natural gas, or huddle in a corner and cry as you ask yourself why you ever thought buying a house was a good idea."

Brokenstein

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'Did you remember to lock the house?'

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

For Sale: Handyman's Delight For The 21st Century.

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

This is the third time I had to replace the clutch!

Henry, worried his old car wouldn't pass a smog inspection, took his washer. It passed, but he was ticketed for driving an appliance without a license.

'What can you possible see in this piece of junk?'

A woman cries over a broken pipe.

"Think of it as a doer-upper."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Tool Box

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'