Mating Season Humorist Gifts

"See anyone who tickles your ivories?"

"Mr and Mrs. Znyzz? Your test results are back. I'm afraid you only have seven weeks left to get pregnant!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Always Compatible

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."