Mating Season Humorist Pillows

"See anyone who tickles your ivories?"

"Mr and Mrs. Znyzz? Your test results are back. I'm afraid you only have seven weeks left to get pregnant!"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

Always Compatible

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation