Matchmaker Aficionado Pillows

Old fashioned picky man at a dating agency

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

The commentators want to run the officials...

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"Let's do it, let's fall in love!"

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Match maker

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Carbon Dating Agency

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

Are you sure that's not your age?

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."