Marriage Musers Gifts

Adverse Prenup

"To assume Leonard has a bucket list, you have to first assume he actually wants to do anything."

'I wish my marriage was 'catch and release'!'

"I hope my next husband looks better in a tux than you do."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

The Evolution Of Man.

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'You've changed since we got married.'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

Insomnia.

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

"Lactose started it, but now it's mainly me she can't tolerate. . ."

Marriage & Divorce.

Too Weird to Have a Husband

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'