Marriage Mentor Gifts

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"It's a fitting name. I walk you through the prenup agreement and counsel you through the divorce."

"I assure you, my sweet, I can't think of anyone I would rather have hound me into my grave than you."

Relationship problems.

'You've changed since we got married.'

'So, John, you feel you're in an abusive relationship.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'My marriage has improved since I don't wake up grouchy every morning. Now I let him sleep late.'

Tunnel of Marital Strife

'Actually out daughter has been asked to marry many times. But always by us...'

'Your failings, especially, have great upside potential, I feel.'

'You may be a self-made man, but I was technical advisor.'

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"I'm exhausted right now, love. Can I catch this conversation on the 9 o'clock slot?"

"Just because I didn't tell you to shut up doesn't mean I wasn't listening."

'We're not sure whose parents we want to live with.'

'Frankly, it was only when I came to work here that I realised there was anything missing in my marriage...'

'He sees me more of a Mother figure, always asking for pocket money.'

Marriage counsellor with multiple surnames.

'During the three-year gap in my employment history I was working on my marriage.'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Jesus Christ! Do you realize that now I actually am fifty when you're eighty?"

"Henry, is there a moral to our story?"

"I used to think of you as one of the thousand points of light, but you've gone out."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"I'm here for the hair."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'