Marriage Coach Gifts

"Is there something going on with you that I should know about?"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Easy Answer Marriage Clinic: 'Make love more often.'

'He screams every time we go to bed...Trouble is it wakes me up.'

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"...until death do you a favor."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Incompatible.

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"