Marriage Coach Gifts

"Is there something going on with you that I should know about?"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Easy Answer Marriage Clinic: 'Make love more often.'

'He screams every time we go to bed...Trouble is it wakes me up.'

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"...until death do you a favor."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Incompatible.

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'