Marital Coach Gifts

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"...until death do you a favor."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

Incompatible.

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"We don't talk anymore."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'