Marriage Mentors Gifts

'I could look like that too, if I didn't have to spend all my time correcting your faults.'

'This is the worst case of cold feet I have ever seen.'

"The secret to a lasting marriage is never buy something that needs to be assembled!!"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"I'm here for the hair."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"He just married me on the rebound."

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"It's not what you think."

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'