Marriage Master Gifts

"Little victories, son, little victories."

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"Looks like from now on Jerry's going to be reading about Monday night football in Tuesday morning's paper.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"What's a debenture?"

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

"How much is this going to cost me?"

"Agenda item 14 C, does anyone have any idea what happened in Game of Thrones?"

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"The result of our last meeting are impressive: 3 completely solved crossword puzzles, 7 battleship matches, 5 shopping lists, and 26 really funny doodles."

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

"I excel at appearing awake in meetings."