Marital Arts Master Gifts

Hold on

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Remember me?'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'You've changed since we got married.'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

"It's not what you think."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'Almost done.'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

Scenes from a successful marriage.

Cat Kung Fu

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'