Marital Arts Master Gifts

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Remember me?'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

'You've changed since we got married.'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"You're absolutely sure my wife won't be able to find this?"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"It's not what you think."

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

'We're past the 'romantic' phase and into the 'living hell' phase.'

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

'Almost done.'

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

Scenes from a successful marriage.

Cat Kung Fu

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'It's nothing serious. My wife and I just had a little tiff.' (Marriage counselor covered in bruises, cuts and bandages).