Marital Artist Gifts

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Projectile painting.'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"I love what you've done with him."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"You call that worrying?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'That one was taken on our wedding day, when he was young, handsome and in love. That other one was taken when he was older, more mature and a pain in the neck.'